[37] Always, Forever

Be patient is very good advice,
But the waiting makes me curious.
And I'd love the change,
Should something strange begin.

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Posted by: kinderheim_511 Original: 6/8/2009 2:30 PM Views: 1 Comments: 0 eProps: 0 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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Monday, June 08, 2009

I feel like I'm breaking, ripping apart from the inside, slowly falling to pieces. I don't know how to make it stop.

I want to hurt myself. Passing cars, I want to cause an accident. Walking, I want to hurl myself into traffic. Part of me is afraid to be left alone. Part of me surveys each room I enter for potentially dangerous instruments of release. I could drown in the bathroom. I could fall from the roof. Knives in the kitchen. Razors on the counter. Pills in cabinets and plenty of fabric, twine, and wire to adorn my neck.

But I can't. Because I'm "strong". Because I actually do not want to give up.
I just don't know how to deal with all of the anger in me.
I want to destroy every last happy thing around me.
I can't ask for help. I can't ask to be saved. All I have is myself. And I hate that person more than anything.

Times are hard, folks. But the Ages grow distant more quickly than can be imagined.

Tomorrow is everything. And I'll be there for it.

Posted 6/8/2009 2:30 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments